In the classic feel-good movie “Dodge Ball”, legend Patches O’Houlihan, played by Rip Torn, yells these 5 words at the misfits of “Average Joe’s Gym”. That gym is owned by Peter LaFleur (Vince Vaughn). The gym is in debt and needs $50,000 to avoid being gobbled up by “Globo Gym” owned by the villain, White Goodman (Ben Stiller).

The solution is a challenge to an epic dodge ball championship. Patches is a legend in the game. Peter gets Patches to coach his gang to help them beat the bad guys.

“Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge” sums up the ‘best’ coaching Patches can offer about how to play and win at dodge ball. But it works.

The Game

Life these days seems like a big game of dodge ball. None of us knows what may be coming at us next.

Leaders have an even bigger challenge trying to run their own life while looking out for the people around them.

We wake up each day, facing news about changes in COVID-19 numbers, possible cures, testing, social injustice, partisan politics, upcoming elections, economic impact, and oh by the way, figuring out how to provide schooling and child care.

Somewhere in all this, we have to get work done. The old norms just don’t apply. Standing still does not feel like a good option, yet where can we go?

The Leader’s Role

It’s too easy to simply say ‘no one has ever seen this before, so leadership is frozen.’ I categorically disagree.

Leadership should be thriving in this chaos. Good leaders should be rallying the teams, engaging and encouraging.

You don’t need to know the perfect answers, but you can offer perfect peace.

Many if not all of my clients are talking about the extraordinary challenges they are facing. There are pressures at work to create a new normal while wrestling economic impact in all sectors.

Plus there are pressures at home to handle childcare, at-home schooling and still get business related tasks done, it’s clearly overwhelming. (Not to mention round the clock co-inhabiting with the entire family.)

Even the best of relationships can be suffering.

What to Do

First, I encourage you to stay calm. Stop paying attention to the media outlets; all of them. Find a reliable source you can trust for news and updates, but avoid all other bombardment from the mainstream media. They hype and sensationalism will drive you mad.

Next, huddle with your teams. That includes family, friends and work associates. Obviously, not all at the same time, but separately, gather the teams and have huddles to talk about the situation.

Circumstances will change over time. A healthy discussion about each and every member of the team keeps them balanced and engaged. You may need to talk a few ‘off the ledge’ from time to time. But if you genuinely care about your people, you will invest the time to have the huddles.

As an example, I’ve been working with a group of small business owners. Before COVID-19, we met monthly. Once the pandemic escalated, they asked if we could meet weekly, which we have done. They all report that these routine huddles help them re-center their thoughts and ideas about what is happening.

Personal Purpose

Lastly, reconnect with your sense of personal purpose. If you believe in higher powers, strengthen that connection first. Call on the inner peace of knowing you are here for a purpose. Return to that core. Rekindle those values.

If you would like to know more about finding your personal purpose drop me note in the comments or schedule a short introductory call.

In the face of all that is going on, if you will consider these three simple things, you won’t feel like you’re playing dodge ball or have a retired coach throwing wrenches at you!

Doesn’t it seem like the bad guys frequently get the promotions and advancements at work? Have you ever wondered why or how that happens?

First let’s clear out one issue. Just because I don’t like my boss, that doesn’t mean he.she is bad. It takes a wide range of experience and observation to declare a boss bad. But some of them make the decision so easy.

OK, so yes, there are often bad bosses at work. They keep getting promoted. But why?

Authority Rules

As much as we hate to admit it, we still operate most business in a hierarchical structure. Somebody has to have ht final say in what gets done. So we build org charts to describe who has what power.

The power of the position is never a replacement for good leadership. Too often the person who gets to sit in a particular box on the org chart is not worthy of the power that comes with the position.

Authority is often given a “free ride”. We feel stuck or even powerless to confront bad management. We wait for the process to take them down, but seldom does that happen.

Bullying and Intimidation

If you have a boss that is just the adult version of the neighborhood bully, you have a big problem.

Yet just like that mean kid on the playground, boss bullies carefully pick targets for bullying, knowing full well that the targets are unlikely to retaliate, and bystanders will not intervene because they fear becoming the next target.

Poor Organizational Process

Companies with a large number of bad bosses have very poor systems in place to manage people. If the rating process for managers does not accurately and effectively get stakeholder feedback, then bad behaviors can survive.

If there is no accountability for employee satisfaction and turnover, then poor managers get to keep doing the bad things they do.

Bad Bosses Don’t Have to Violate Employee Rights

Someone can be a bad boss by just failing to create an environment for people to grow. Their actions do not have to be obvious attacks on character, gender, or ethnicity.

I’ve known a few really bad bosses who were not racist nor sexist. They were just bad. They made poor decisions, didn’t hear people, and generally failed at inspiring anyone.

I once had a boss who never rated his people any higher than he was rated. He didn’t get rated very well. Let’s call it a C+. Working for him meant you’d get a C+ if you were lucky.

I and two of my peers were in the same boat. It took us the first year of rating to figure him out. All three of us were producing record high returns, metrics and deliverables, yet we could never get past a C+. We did what most people do, we tried harder the next year and delivered yet again, but got the same poor ranking.

That impacted raises and bonuses. It was a terrible two years in my career until he got moved elsewhere. He was just bad. Actually, a nice guy, but a terrible boss.

Speaking Truth to Power

We all know how hard it can be to try to speak up, especially when it is ‘up the organization.’ There is a concept called “Speaking Truth to Power.” There are studies around the subject. See “Emperor Has No Clothes.“

In September 2015 the leadership team at Volkswagen was shamed by an issue regarding emissions that was known about by some employees, but not spoken up about (or listened to) effectively.

The previous month an animated Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon, announced that he did ‘not recognize’ the ‘bruising culture’ and the consequent accusations voiced against his organization by employees and reported in a New York Times article.

In the July 2016 report by the UK Financial Reporting Council, ‘Corporate Culture and the Role of Boards’, the following observations and recommendations were made that directly address the issue of speaking truth to power:

“Good governance means a focus on how [openness and accountability at every level] takes place throughout the company… A healthy ‘speak up’ culture breaks down the barriers that can often exist between the workforce and the board… A key ingredient of a healthy culture is a willingness on the part of senior management to listen to their employees… Employees usually want their organization to succeed, and have good ideas about how to make this happen… A culture of engagement and ‘permission’ is required for employees to feel able to voice their ideas and concerns.”

Leadership development programs focus on developing specific skills to address conversational situations experienced as problematic, for instance training for ‘difficult conversations’. They train leaders to be ‘impactful’ in what they say, valiantly attempting to introduce coaching skills to executives who have paradoxically been promoted based on their individual capacity to ‘know answers’.

Whistle Blowing

Meanwhile the issue of challenging authority is increasingly addressed through whistle blowing procedures, part of continuing attempts to control certain conversations through formal processes.

Yet it would be far more productive if companies didn’t have to wait on whistle blowers, but relied instead on their employees to speak openly and candidly.

The Entrepreneur’s Plight

In small business, the egocentric owner can be a stumbling block for truth at work. After all, it is their idea and their company, so how can anyone confront the owner?

Usually this is nothing more than inflated ego getting in the way of good management and leadership.

What Can You Do?

When you want to confront a bad boss or speak truth to power, several key questions come up.

• What happens in the moment of choice of whether to speak up or stay silent?
• How does an appreciation of the complexities of this moment inform effective leadership?
• How might individuals make more informed choices regarding speaking up?

Here are some key principles to think about if you are the one needing to speak up.

Conviction – How strongly you believe in the value of your opinion. Pick your battles.

Risk Awareness – Do you have a realistic grasp of the consequences of speaking up. In a healthy environment, these risks are low, always.

Political Awareness – Do you understand the political games being played inside your company? Can you navigate that swamp?

Social Awareness – Understanding of how to work within the social climate around you so that people will listen.

Judgement – Some call is discernment. Knowing what to say, who to say it to, and when.

We Live in a BLURT World

The rise of social media has created a BLURT World. What is that? You just blurt something out whenever you feel like it without regard to any of the key principles above.

When you blurt, there is no consideration for your real conviction on the topic. Likely no assessment of the risks included with the comment.

Definitely, there is no social awareness (Ironic isn’t it that lack of social awareness happens on ‘social’ media.)

The habits we create for our behaviors on social media will spill over into the workplace. It’s unavoidable.

Conclusion

Sure, we all have bad bosses. To help solve the problem, employees at all levels need to be able to be heard.

However, there is a catch. To enable a positive and productive conversation or to be heard at all, there are principles that need to be followed.

The next time you hear someone shouting about injustice or fair treatment, see if any of these principles are being followed.

By the way, in my coaching, every time my client has trouble in the workplace with the bad boss, I never forget to remind them, they can leave. It’s true in domestic violence, it’s true at work.

If you firmly believe the system is severely flawed, you just may need to leave.

Author’s Note: Special thanks to Ron Riggio for reminding me of this need to address bad bosses. Also, thanks to the good folks at Hult Research, specifically Megan Reitz and John Higgins for their amazing study on the ability to speak truth to power. Lastly, my good friend George Head at LHH for keeping me inspired to help others with this important topic.

It was inevitable. People would start writing posts about the mask requirements to protect against Corona-virus.

I’ve been amused at several I’ve seen pop up that start something like this.

I don’t like wearing pants.

I keep my pants off at home.

When I go outside, I put my pants on to avoid making others uncomfortable.

I don’t like wearing masks.

I never wear a mask at home.

When I go outside….

You get the idea. Clearly for many, mask wearing is no big deal. Just do it so you can be a good citizen, help yourself while helping others. (Your Mamma raised you right.)

However, for others mask wearing is violating some kind of rights. We have the video posts of people absolutely loosing their minds at a store when the greeter reminds them to wear a mask. I’ve seen a young Mom dumping a full shopping cart. I’ve seen a 60-something grandpa almost crush a greeter.

It seems we’ve all lost our collective minds.

Oh No!

Yes, I get it that the unknown of all this COVID-19 has caused grief and suffering for so many. Those emotions are real.

We’ve had an unprecedented outcry over social injustice, which, granted, could use a lot of work. This alone has caused a backlash of anger and hostility in people who are otherwise pretty calm neighbors.

People seem just angry and upset; about EVERYTHING.

What’s the deal people? Keep your pants ON!

What happened to being able to have a civilized discussion about the problems? What does taking a nice neighborhood and burning it to the ground do for the cause? What about the shop owners and small business people who worked their whole life to build something only to have it torched in the wake of a ruthless crowd who has lost all respect for their fellow humans?

Aw crap. Nobody wants to hear me talk about this. Sorry. My soapbox was close by and I couldn’t help myself.

Sadly, there is no talking with some. For whatever reason, we have a generation of new thinkers getting airtime, raising hostilities, and demanding change in a system they haven’t even studied.

I do not believe they represent the wishes of the larger population. Yet for the sake of sensationalism they get the visibility. They get to speak for the masses when there are millions of hard working ethnic groups just going to work. Perhaps even a second job. But these choose to work hard to make the difference they desire. They won’t burn anything or tear anything down. They’re too busy going to work.

The Commitment

My commitment to you, my readers, is to find objective nuggets in the common sense life we share. Nuggets that can help you be better managers and leaders at work. In today’s crazy world, my simple common sense idea is this….

Keep your pants on.

Keep your head on straight. Do what you can right where you are. Be a person who can stand up for solid principles without encroaching on the rights of others. Find a balance for diversity and inclusion.

Take comfort in knowing that not every one of your neighbors agree with what you hear on the news. I’ve turned off my news. It’s unreliable and inflammatory.

Stay away from those who only want to get you worked up. I saw a great post this week that said “Why would I pay attention to anyone who I wouldn’t otherwise ask for advice?”

I’ll close with this. One of the best words of advice I ever heard was to “Harness your mind’s attention with your heart’s affection.”

Take the passions you have in your heart and align them with the power of your brain. Or conversely, be sure the capabilities you have for thinking critically and problem solving can be used for the good that may be in your heart.

We will always have outliers in our lives. There will always be those who cannot or will not accept authority. But for the larger majority who do, be a leader who gives them something to respect and aspire to. Keep your mind and heart aligned for a greater good. Never lose sight of the prize.

Keep our pants on.

You could be nicer and help-out a little more around the house, but your wife has been such a pain lately. She just doesn’t seem very happy– about anything.

She complains about where you park at the grocery store, ALWAYS has a better idea, and your sex life seems like a distant memory. She also doesn’t seem to appreciate the pressures you are under at work and you are starting to wonder,

“Who are you and what have you done with my wife?”

This is not an uncommon situation.

Picture each of your daily interactions with your spouse as a game of table tennis—you know, ping-pong, like the table you had set-up in the garage as a kid. Here’s how ping pong can save your relationships.

Visualize each thing you say to your spouse as a serve. You comment; your wife volleys back a response; you respond, and so on. Easy, right?

Now ask yourself. What kind of things are you saying in your serves and volleys? Are they positive, complimentary, helpful, and loving or are they rocket-like slams designed to burn the corners of the table, defeating your competition?

It’s a vicious cycle you know… trying to win every point, even when you are “right” and justified in your beliefs (“I park this far out to try and prevent door dings to your new car, lady!”).

Quality of Moments

Indulge my ping-pong analogy one more step, please. Visualize the quality of the comments made during the serve and volley, over time, as either positive and uplifting, raising the level of the game; or as negative, harming the relationship, lowering the level of the table.

The danger of lowering the game, of course, is that the table can become so low that one or both you simply decide it is no longer worth their time and energy to play. Remember that the opposite of love is not always hate. It can be fatigue induced indifference.

So you serve up something sincere (that’s important) and positive like, “Hey, you really look nice today,” and she returns that serve with something less than positive,

“Oh really? My hair is a mess, I haven’t had my nails done in three months, and I am wearing a shirt that’s older than our first child!”

Don’t take the bait. Regardless of how she might respond, volley with a positive, something like, “Well I don’t exactly know how you are pulling it off. I just want you to know that you look great to me!” Then walk away quickly and live to serve and volley another day.

Make this a habitual practice. Stop reacting negatively when she slams a spinning forehand to the far corner and, instead, craft a positive volley.

Try your best to make everything you say helpful, complimentary, and sincere. She will notice and when she finally asks you about your change in behavior, you can share a printed copy of this post with her, inviting her to join you in raising the game.

Same Is True at Work

The same can be said for your interactions at work, especially if you have management responsibility.

Your serve at work holds even more power over the employees. Just by default, the power that comes with your position puts a little extra sting on your first serves, whether intended or not.

You have to be careful about being too casual with your comments.

I’ve known some very smart executives who have fun with spirited jabs as responses to worker’s questions. While they truly don’t mean anything negative by it, it can become very off-putting.

In one case, members of the team needed to work there quite a while to understand the boss’s brand of humor. Eventually, you get past it, but I’ve known a few new members of the team who struggled to find the meaning.

My coaching to that leader was to tone it down a bit, especially with his newest staffers. Get to know them first and them know you before you introduce your version of levity and ‘smartness’. Then be intentional about using that approach.

Eventually he agreed he should stop altogether. The dry wit was better saved for closest friends and people outside of work.

He changed his ‘serve.’

Conclusion

Never forget, that raising the game is your responsibility. It is not only a matter of basic leadership but also the most pragmatic approach.

After all, at the end of the day, the only thing you can truly control is YOUR serves and volleys. Viewing this from the ping-pong
perspective may be a better alternative than trying to change your spouse.

Change yourself instead.

Note: The inspiration for this word picture came from friend and colleague, Roger Ferguson. Thanks, Roger for a juicy idea to hit home.

People everywhere are struggling with the extended shutdowns from COVID-19. All the Type-A personalities are going absolutely crazy not being able to interact face to face or in small groups.

If you rated ‘extrovert’ on your personality assessment, you are hurting right about now. The introverts are enjoying the calm. However, none of us can stay separated for long.

This is why virtual meeting tools like Zoom have skyrocketed. ‘Zoom’ is now a noun, verb and adjective all in one.

Aren’t you missing that 90-minute weekly staff meeting with your boss? OK, maybe I’m kidding on that one. What about the water cooler chat with colleagues?

There is just something special about that sense of belonging when we can stand or sit together and talk.

Why is that?

Seth Goden spoke about it in his seminal book “Tribes”. Since the dawning of mankind, we have been tribal in nature. We naturally gravitate together.

The caveman did it for survival. There was survival in numbers. Yet I see that same tribal mindset today.

Let’s face it, we all live in or belong to some kind of tribe today. Perhaps it’s your neighborhood. You want the kids going to a certain school. How tribal is that?

You pick your friends based on common interests and values.

Or maybe you attend a certain church, mosque or synagogue based of course on your religious preferences. Maybe you don’t go to church at all because you belong to a golf group or a fishing/boating club.

Tribes get formed by many different standards. I’m certainly not judging any of them, I’m just making the point that tribal desire exists.

The tribal mindset can go wrong of course. Think of the real Nazis in Germany in the 1930s. Ideaology is fine if it serves a common good, but taken to extremes, whole populations can be impacted, as we clearly saw then.

As soon as tribal thinking begins to not only exclude others, but demean, oppress and hurt others, it’s gone too far.

Not Me

You may argue you’ve never been part of a ‘tribe’. Maybe that word alone is offensive to you. It’s not meant to be.

Do you own a iPhone or Mac? You’re in a tribe.

Do you only buy certain clothes? Tribe.

Do you only support one school? Tribe.

Do you only drive certain cars? Tribe.

Do you work for a certain company and never think of others in your industry? Tribe.

Do you only wear certain watches? Tribe.

Do you only follow certain public figures? Tribe.

Do you vote by single lever pull? Tribe.

Do you think contrary of others because they don’t look/act like you? Tribe.

The days of needing a tribe for survival should be gone, but they’re not. People begin to assemble a tribe when they feel ‘less than’ others. They seek strength in numbers when systems and policies leave them out.

Those motivated to band together in this way hope that the combined voice will be louder than what they alone can shout.

It happens in business. It is happening on our streets.

What Can We Do? What Can I Do?

First, look around at the tribes to which you already belong. Are they really OK? When others know about your tribe, can they accept what it stands for? They don’t have to agree with or support the specific values, but can they accept there are reasonable differences and good reasons that you joined?

Many will say it’s nobody’s business what I do. On many levels that’s true. Yet when it comes to expressing or demonstrably exercising action that offend others, your tribe needs adjustment.

‘Communication’ is a word I’ve heard much about lately. Sure we need to talk about our differences. But that is a slippery slope. When does a conversation turn into an argument?

The popular thinking these days is to try to convince the other person that the values you believe in or represent are the only right ones. NO they’re not. Stop doing that.

As business leaders we must create an environment that can allow open exchange. If it is discovered that a person, policy or practice somehow makes others feel ‘less than’, then it needs to get fixed.

What employees and any member of any tribe must understand is that the gathering happened for a reason. If you joined, but later discover there is something you don’t like, YOU made a bad choice. Find another tribe. Change jobs.

If enough businesses lose good talent over bad practices, they will change.

I help business owners and executives make change happen all the time. Good leaders are open for change. They genuinely want to listen better and make adjustments to the tribe they manage. Sometimes the system and the legacy is too big to change quickly, but it can change.

If you want to talk about ways to make the change you need in your tribe, I am here.