Real Leaders Don’t Lose the ‘Person’ in Personality

Whether you own a business or run one for a bigger company, your role as manager/leader is in the spotlight. When people start searching for leadership development tools or management training, you often run into a large segment of the market focused on Personality.

The logic says ‘if I understand my personality, and the personalities of those around me, I can be better leader. Why? Because I can learn to meet them where they are, etc.’

Logic like that is like a 3-year strategic plan. It looks great on paper, it’s a cool workshop to sit in, but what do you really do with the information? Too often it gets implemented poorly and soon forgotten. (I happen to hold a strong bias on the use of common personality tools. Email me and I’ll share that discussion.)

For now I want to challenge you to think about something else.

What’s at the Core

Throughout my coaching career I have often found executives and business owners who struggle with their personality defining the person they think they need to be. Or vice versa. The person they believe they are does not show up when the work gets going. Instead, some different personality appears.

My challenge to you is to consider separating your thinking about the person you want to be from the personality that actually shows up.

Getting a solid grip on the person you want to be has nothing to do with title, role, and financial status. But it has everything to do with the kind of friend, neighbor, and fellow human being you believe you are. It’s about core values, principles, and beliefs. Most leaders, when asked, have a good list defining those things in their personhood.

And, ok, I’m going to say it….

There are some solid jerks in the world (keeping it PG-13). For me, the good news is, I just don’t get many of those folks reading my articles or asking me for coaching. And I’ll never take one as a client.

Instead, I talk with people who are already successful at some level and they want to do more, be more.

The Derailers

First, let’s talk about some common contributors for why personality may interrupt personhood. In the Hogan world we call these ‘derailers.’

One issue that appears most often is the idea that a strength used in excess becomes a derailer. For example, if you are naturally empathetic, you might not drive your team hard enough. Your personality shows up ‘friendly’ and well-intended, but when the going gets tough, people want direction and drive from their boss.

Next, you might be covering something. I don’t mean in a criminal way, but rather in a defensive way. If you are uncertain about a subject, your personality may be too comical, trying to laugh off the tension in the moment. This usually shows up as the boss who cracks jokes at inappropriate times, taking serious discussions off track.

Also, people with highly focused technical ability may come across as too robotic, not enough ‘people’ skill when interacting. Their personality is plastic. Yet when you peel the onion, you find a wonderfully motivated mind wanting to do great things.

The Options

While doing a ‘post-game interview’ wondering what went wrong with a particular situation, you likely may be thinking “I know what I wanted to say or do, but somehow it never came out that way.”

If that is you, then you, my friend, may be suffering from the conflict between person and personality.

First, doing the post-mortem on a meeting or a one-on-one interview can help tremendously to isolate the areas where you are disconnecting person and personality. Do your own analysis.

If it is possible, ask for feedback. Ask for specifics like “When I said ‘X’, how did that strike you?” When you think your personality usurped your personhood, then you have an opportunity to fix it.

When feedback highlights specific gaps, check first to see if the gap is properly covered by those core beliefs and key principles you claim. Not the other way around. Then search for reasons your personality may have thrown up a different solution in the moment. Here are some of those situations.

  • You cracked a joke when you should be serious.
  • You got technical when empathy would have been better.
  • You quoted company policy when a warmer more collaborative idea could have been put to play.
  • You genuinely love your team, but you go to performance issues too often when talking to them.

Ask a mentor or a coach to help you make the distinction between the person you believe you are and the personality that often shows up instead.

Don’t lose the person in personality.

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How We Work – Perfect vs Imperfect

wabi sabi

There is a struggle in modern business. As people show up for work, there is a tension between forces that push us to be perfect in what we achieve, yet we know in our hearts and minds we are imperfect in many ways. And the work goes on.

We add more hours to the day to meet that deadline or deliver the project. We agonize over the work in front of us. We shape our words and stories to present the image that a perfect outcome is on its way, ‘almost there.’

Then, when the work is delivered, there is a nagging sense that we could have done more.

Explore the Source

First let’s explore where this voice comes from; the voice demanding perfection.

For many it comes from childhood memories (or nightmares) pressed into the psyche by that third-grade teacher or gym coach or, sadly, a parent who demanded ‘better.’ I’m not talking about the loving mentor who encouraged us, but rather the mean-spirited ogre who said hurtful things. Even with many years between their angry words and your own revelation of real truths, the messages that are remembered from these horrible souls shape our sense of what we need to accomplish.

Teacher complaining about schoolboy in elementary school class.

Another source of expectation comes from the bad boss who sets unrealistic demands for the team. They plot goals and standards that look like perfection, but usually won’t stand up to objective scrutiny. Unfortunately, too many workers buckle under these bosses. Instead of pushing back, you go to work and try to deliver.

Team or organizational culture can impact this too. On occasion I run into a work environment that demands 100% of the information be covered in an analysis before making a decision. There might even be punitive personnel assessments written for those who fail to hit the 100% mark.

Lastly, your own definition of perfection can be a force. I often encounter clients who have the perfectionistic personality. It torments them and drives those around them crazy. The interesting contradiction in this personality is that they usually don’t get enough done at all because they fear the work not being perfect, so they never start.

Here’s a Fresh Idea

Wabi sabi is a Japanese design concept. It means beauty in that which is temporary or imperfect. Things that come off of an assembly line, for example, are perfect, but things made by hand, like the glaze on a Japanese ceramic bowl, are imperfect. It is their imperfections that give them their beauty. (see the cover picture)

The same is true for people. It is the combination of all of our imperfections that make us vulnerable and beautiful.

If you are a leader, have you thought about applying the wabi-sabi mindset as a metaphor for the work you do? If you let your view of things shift to embrace the idea of life as a journey. Give yourself and those who work for you the grace to believe we are all working to become better versions of ourselves. The idea of a “work in progress” can become a great strategy for the work you do.

You can implement a system for constant improvement rather than always chasing perfection. As I write that last phrase it almost seems redundant and contradictory at the same time. ‘If I am working on constant improvement aren’t I seeking perfection?’

I argue NO. Perfection comes with the moment by moment, project by project expectation of scoring 100. Even college grads with a 4.0-grade point average (considered ‘perfect’ by most systems) don’t have to score 100 on every exam.

However, constant improvement is about learning from prior experience to make small adjustments or tweaks in what you are doing so that the next body of work can be a little better; not perfect, but better.

Closing Remarks

I know there will be readers who say ‘you don’t get it. If I don’t do perfect work, I’ll lose my job.’ My question is first to define exactly what ‘perfect’ is supposed to mean. There is an old saying:

Perfect is the enemy of good.

I’ve seen big corporations miss an entire market shift that could have earned them millions of dollars because their effort to analyze the situation took too long. Why?

Because they were working on the perfect analysis, covering 100% of the angles. In hindsight, an analysis that only addressed 50% or 70% could have given them enough validation to go forward. The extra effort to fill out the remaining margin to get to 100% didn’t add value. It actually cost them the opportunity.

Adopt wabi-sabi. There is beauty in imperfection if you just decide to look at it differently.

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Leave It Better Than You Found It

hiking and camping

Many years ago, when I was a boy Scout, my Scoutmaster had a mantra. Wherever we went camping, we were supposed to leave the surroundings better than we found it. That meant that before we left the area, we had to do a thorough cleanup, pick-up, and canvas of the area.

If there were rocks lining the paths, every rock had to be properly in line whether we had disrupted them or not. If there were trash cans in the area, each one had to have the lid properly secured. Any litter that was found had to be picked up, again whether we had created or not. As we left, we even brushed the pathways behind us, erasing our footprints in the dirt. A little extreme? Perhaps. But the teaching stuck.

Later, as I apprenticed with a master woodworker/craftsman, he too had a similar mantra about borrowing tools and equipment. If he borrowed something from someone, it had to be returned in better condition than it was first received. That meant cleaned, lubricated, polished or dusted off. This too was a further reminder of the basic teaching. The mindset got fixed in my brain.

tools in a box in a garage for repair work

We don’t hear that principle shared much anymore these days. Yet there is so much that can be learned from it. The concept applies to leadership in its highest form.

If you are selected to lead a team or organization, why not leave it better than you received it? Leaders are supposed to accomplish things, right? But what about truly trying to leave things better off than they were before you started.

Before we get into more details, there’s one other key element here we should discuss. If you know you’re going to be doing a big clean-up at the end, you are more likely to take care of things during the stay rather than have to do a big bunch of work at the end.

The same is true about leadership dedicated to this kind of mantra. Do little things daily to create the end result that is better than before. That way you don’t have to make a big push at the end to accomplish the same result.

The Leadership Influence

Choosing to apply this ‘leave it better than before’ principle to your leadership mindset will build a lasting legacy with those around you. If you become the leader that strives to make everything better, you will create a memorable impression that won’t go away.

Sadly, the opposite is equally true. How many of us have worked for bosses who left scorched earth behind their reign? You were happy to see them leave.

But the boss or mentor who looked out for your well being and helped you grow in your career or skill set will long be remembered.

Ways to Leave It Better

What are the ways a leader can make things better? Here are a few I’ve benefitted from.

First, genuinely learn who your people are and what they know how to do. Get into the details of their experience and skill set. Let them know you care about their ability to contribute. If you see gaps, encourage them to grow. Give them tips and ideas on ways to expand their tool kit of abilities.

Be a mentor. Be ready and willing to come alongside your people to show them ways to grow.

Help people with networking inside and outside. This is a tricky one. In today’s complex business world, people are feeling overwhelmed with knowing they need to be able to network more, but they are either afraid of doing it or don’t know how.

Stop solving all the problems. Nurture the growth in your team by using key questions when they bring you problems. Encourage them to propose a solution to every problem before they merely lay the problem on your desk. Then share with them the logical process you use to get to a good answer.

Model the right behaviors. Whenever and wherever you show up as a leader, people are watching. Even the most subtle behaviors can become big influencers for those who are following you.

You likely will never win 100% of the time. Accept the 84% rule. A local Texas politician shared this one with me. He had won his election for Mayor by an 84% popular vote. While that is huge by today’s standard for electoral margin, he decided to not alienate the 16% that didn’t vote for him. Instead he started to earnestly reach out to them and include their views in decisions facing the city.

Give people some slack or you might call it grace. People will make mistakes. The way you as a leader respond to those moments is what will make the difference.

Decide to break old habits. If the bosses you worked for modeled bad habits, don’t let those be yours to keep. A company’s culture evolves in time. The patterns of employee/employer relationships are what really define a culture, not some poster on the wall.

Handing it down

The Conclusion

I once coached a senior executive who was responsible for a national network of high-dollar manufacturing facilities. There was big machinery operating under high pressure with potentially toxic environments. People could get hurt or killed. In the day when he was rising up the organization, being a site manager and having to report a problem to the big boss meant getting a chewing out before you got to talk about the details. It was automatic.

I asked this exec about that dynamic. He sheepishly admitted he tended to do the same thing to his people. I asked if it made any difference. He said no. He knew they felt bad and were already dealing with the disappointment. His adding to the dogpile didn’t help. So he agreed to stop doing that.

Things still happened in the plants, but the team culture changed. Site managers realized the big boss was there for them, not a voice to condemn what had happened. They needed his wisdom to orchestrate the resolution. He began focusing on administering those coaching and mentoring moments to help them grow rather than berating and belittling them.

His decision as a leader to show up differently, and make things better than before, broke a legacy of old-school management practice that had lived for decades. In one turn in the leader’s seat, he engrained a newer, more positive mindset in the hearts of the various site managers who would one day be the big boss themselves.

That, my friend, is how you can make a difference, leaving things better than they were before you got there.

Daniel Mueller on Leadership

leadership banner

From time to time, anyone working as a manager needs to decide whether they really are a leader. Several years ago, I began an association with a long-time executive coach, Daniel Mueller. He’s a pioneer in the field of executive coaching having served senior executives across most of the Fortune 500 companies. Daniel has graciously shared some of his information with me. Here is a discussion about leadership.

Change Agents

A leader, by definition, is a change agent. Leaders have the ability to look beyond the status quo, determine the change needed, and introduce it in such a way that the organization successfully grows to the next level of effectiveness.

“Leadership . . . is the ability to step outside the culture to start evolutionary change processes that are more adaptive” (Schein, 1992).

Effective leaders are competent in gaining and maintaining followers. They communicate at an expert level, inspiring others to go in a certain direction while setting clear expectations of high-level roles and responsibilities. Leaders ensure that all employees understand the mission, vision, values, strategy, and overall direction of the company, along with their own area of responsibility.

They over-communicate, gain buy-in to key initiatives, and obtain strong commitment to achieving the organization’s mission. Developing and communicating the organization’s vision, philosophy, and values is an essential competency of effective leaders, who also model the right values by example, thereby gaining credibility and respect from others.

“Leadership is about articulating visions, embodying values, and creating the environment within which things can be accomplished” (Richards & Engle, 1986).

Developing Leadership Competentcy

Both nature and nurture play a role in developing excellent leadership competencies. It’s helpful, but not essential, to be born with the genetic predisposition toward leadership.

Nevertheless, leadership competencies can be cultivated and developed. Factors positively associated with the development of leaders include having at least one parent who is a leader; being the eldest child; taking opportunities to lead peers or siblings; having influential childhood role models (e.g., family members, coaches, mentors); holding leadership roles in high school, college, graduate school, or early in a career; taking leadership training programs; and undergoing leadership coaching.

It is useful for leaders to take regular behavioral assessments and to review their self-assessment reports with others who know them well. A spouse or significant other is a good place to start. This review may serve to further validate the report, as well as to remove blind spots that the leader may have.

Deciding on a Style

People tend to prefer their own styles, with a strong propensity to view the world through the filter of their behavioral styles, thus projecting those preferences onto others.

This tendency limits the ability to understand co-workers and others to the fullest extent possible. It is easy to see how this can lead to frustration with others’ behavior, which leads in turn to difficulty in developing high-performance teams.

Through the process of understanding their own leadership styles and being able to identify and understand those of others, effective leaders become more accepting of others’ styles, and others become more accepting of theirs. Each leadership style is valuable in the workplace.

People with the same narrow behavioral style will approach a problem in the same way, usually with sub-optimal results. A leadership team that encompasses a diversity of styles provides a diversity of thought, which leads to peak team performance. Leaders who understand their own behavioral styles are much better able to identify others’ styles.

As leaders grow in their understanding of, and their ability to control, their own styles, they may become more willing and able to adapt their styles to meet the needs of others and of the organization.

Being Adaptable

Demonstrated adaptability is a powerful approach, resulting in increased influence over others. In order to reach full effectiveness, leaders need maximum adaptability. An inaccurate understanding of their own behavioral tendencies will weaken the ability of leaders to effectively adapt their styles to the needs of others.

Effective leaders are able to develop or improve positive relationships in much less time than would normally be needed. Most effective leaders are unconsciously or consciously adept at identifying and adapting their leadership styles to the behavioral styles of the people with whom they work. The leadership quadrant comprises anything related to influencing people.

Is Your Family Business Too Much Family and Not Enough Business?

A large majority of small business is in fact family business. The classic “Mom & Pop” structure. Mom or Dad get an idea and start a business. As the need for extra help grows, the easy answer is to hire other family members to help you get it going.

Often the thinking behind this involves the sense that you know these people, you can trust them and can rely on their help. But too often that logic fails. Your brother-in-law or nephew might be great guys to go have a beer with, but having them on the payroll can be a disaster.

Pretty soon you are facing too much family and not enough business.

Various Scenarios

I am familiar with several typical situations that introduce family ties to business. Let’s talk about those first, then we can discuss ways to avoid the traps or fix the problems these situations create.

The Husband and Wife Duo

Husbands and wives working together can be tricky at best. With the national divorce statistics telling us 50% of marriages fail, it is not hard to see why at least 50% of businesses started by husbands and wives would fail too.

Even if you are blessed with a ‘good’ marriage, compounding your relationship with the burdens of running a business can be dangerous. If you must partner at work, you have to establish strong role definitions. One needs to defer to the other depending on the areas you’ve declared as responsibility.

My wife and I actually ran such a business at one stage of our career. We did have a great marriage going in. And even though that business is long gone, we still have a great marriage.

When we owned the company we had clearly defined roles. She willingly deferred all executive decisions to me. She on the other hand, ran employee relations, logistics, and basic support functions for the company. While we discussed choices we needed to make, each one knew which area belonged to the other and we never varied from that.

Sibling Rivalries

Too often the family connections are strained when siblings inherit something from Mom or Dad. Multi-generational businesses subject to estate splits can be trouble.

There are also the situations where Dad expects Junior to take over the business, but junior has other plans. If the junior agrees and starts trying to take over the business, Dad can get in the way.

Generational cascades of influence and ownership can muddy the waters.

The Real Rub

Ultimately, there are three key factors to consider when looking at running a business with the family involved. First, there is the business itself. Look at the size and scope of things. What is happening, what’s the purpose?

Then there is the family unit. Who is participating and at what level? Define it then set the boundaries.

Lastly, there is the question of ownership; who owns what? Do you have investors and other outside entities involved? Or are you allowing employees to buy in?

Here’s a diagram to explain.

Every overlapping section should be explored and evaluated. If some of the areas do not apply, ok. But whenever you see an overlap, you have potential for unique and special circumstances that require careful handling.

The Owner’s Mindset

Notable family businesses that have stood the test of time have one thing in common. There is an “Owner’s Mindset.” The ownership frame of reference takes precedence.

In his Harvard Business Review article “What Makes Family Business Last“, writer John A. Davis says “What distinguishes these long-term adapters is their strong Owner’s Mindset among the owners and in their top boards. An Owner’s Mindset recognizes the importance of operational excellence, but insists on being in activities that create value (financial, social, relational, and reputational) according to the key values of the owners.”

You can see how having this mindset above all other competing matters helps guide and direct the business to operate on its own, unencumbered by petty disputes among family members.

Business coach and long-time family business guru, Rich Hall writes this about the pitfalls:

Let’s be honest, many times, family members are hired because they need the job and may not be the most qualified. If it happens too much, the business becomes burdened to the point that it struggles to survive.

Even worse, family issues can and do spread into the daily operations.

  • A child wants to do things their way and the parent (owner) refuses. 
  • Preferential treatment is shown toward family members and their close allies.
  • Special “bonuses” or gifts are provided to family creating financial stress.
  • Cliques are formed.
  • Non-family members are afraid to speak up due to the “Sunday dinner effect”.

Eventually, something must be done.

The Fix

If you must hire family, here are some simple things to consider.

First, define clear job roles, duties and responsibilities. Set clear expectations. In the company I referenced above that my wife and I owned, I did hire my 18 year old son for a time. I told him at work, I was boss and he was an employee. No special treatment. Within a few weeks he showed up late.

I put him on notice. He did it again, I put him on probation. He had 30 days to get it exactly right or he was gone. We never talked about it at home.

He did what he needed to do. He got serious and learned the business. Today, he is an AVP at a Dallas area bank, doing the core things we taught him at our company 13 years ago.

Next, don’t be afraid to let them go. I realize this is a tough one. But if a family member cannot carry their weight, it’s not fair to others who are not related. Some of the most serious employee relation matters you can ever face have to do with nepotism. Don’t lose a great employee because you are tolerating a mediocre family member’s performance.

Then, stay impartial. Make it known there are no favorites at work. If a family member lets other employees think they are getting special treatment, nip that in the bud.

Lastly, think long and hard before hiring a family member in the first place. Let work be work and home be home. Why would you want to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with your worst employee?

If you’ve already dug yourself a big hole here, an outside agent might be the solution. Hiring and interim COO or CEO can help resolve the difficult discussions you might need to have happen. Or hire an advisor to sit on an advisory board to consult on the whole picture. Let them be the reason you want to make some changes.

Setting the Right Focus on Leadership

Good leadership includes having the right focus. Who are you? Where are you going? Who do you want to be as a leader? That sort of thinking.

There was once a middle manager who was well known for creating great results. Quarter by quarter, his numbers were always good. His team loved working for him, but his peers hated him.

The peers did not simply dislike him, but the loathed him. And the reason why is not what you might be thinking. Jealousy over his good results? Nope. Not even close.

The reason is that he was an ass. Plain and simple. He had no regard for his peers. Yet it was true what I said, his people loved him. How can that be?

bad boss
Bad colleague disrupts meeting

Careful Analysis

The senior executive to whom this man reported had a conundrum. The performance of the single unit was solid and reliable, yet the harmony across the leadership team was crumbling daily. What to do?

Well, a coach was called in. After a few meetings with the gentleman, it was revealed that his #1 goal was to be seen as the best boss anyone could ever work for. It was a noble goal but shrouded in self-aggrandizing glory.

He bent over backward for his team. They loved him for that indeed. He could push but in very special ways. Yet amongst his peers, he was cut-throat, brazen, and very unapproachable.

The focal point he chose for his management career prohibited him from becoming an effective leader.

The Cure

When the manager’s goal about ‘being the best boss’ was finally revealed to the coach. The coach responded with a question.

“What about adding a second goal to be the best team player too?”

This was a classic epiphany for the manager. He was shocked at how shallow his goal actually sounded. You see, he really did have ‘the greater good’ at heart, but he was so focused on the boss thing, he never thought about what it might take to be a good colleague across his peer group.

It was truly a life changing moment for him. He committed to adjusting his plans and his focus.

Viola!

He actually became both.

The Twist

It is so easy to get misaligned as a manger and a leader. You take in so much information on a daily basis, but you can easily get distracted if your personal vision and goal is not set straight.

Here are three quick tips on staying focused the right way.

First, have a vision and a plan. I am routinely surprised by how many of my executive clients fail to establish personal vision for being the leader they want to be.

Yes, they may have corporate goals to conquer, but personal vision counts too. In fact, I argue that your personal vision is really the foundation from which you must lead. Without it, your leadership is on shaky ground.

Next, you need to review your vision with trusted advisors. Get solid and candid feedback before launching out. Had the hero in our story above done so early on, he might have learned the one focus area was not enough.

Lastly, review your vision regularly. Keep your vision and plans evergreen. Have a cycle and a discipline for reviewing what you have set in motion.

Things change. So should your view of the world around you. Having a good vision and a plan is not one-and-done or set-it-and-forget-it.

If you’re looking for a trusted advisor, I’m available for a quick call to meet. We can discuss your situation and talk about ways a coach might help.

call a coach

How Do You Do What You Do?

Gaining Experience

From time to time, I have a mentee say “I am interested in doing what you do. Please tell me how to do that.”

Often I struggle with that ask, because if I was honest, I’d say “You’ve got to be kidding me. Do you know what I’ve been through to get here?”

John Maxwell said it much more eloquently. He said “OK. Let me ask you a question. Are you willing to do what I did to get to do the things I do?”

Do the Things I Did

Doing things in the past created the experience required to do today, what I do. Without living through the leadership crucibles I’ve lived, I’d not have any of the material I share with clients today. Starting as a young 2nd Lieutenant in the Army, I took on management roles.

Later, joining a regional bank, I was recruited there because senior leaders inside the bank were former military officers and knew the kind of experiences I had. They could relate to the experiences and had automatic confidence in knowing I could assume a management role there too.

After 20 years in banking with successive growth roles along the way, I took an early retirement from banking and started several businesses. I knew I loved entrepreneurship, so I took the knowledge I gained at the bank (watching and working with many many client companies) and applied it in those start-ups.

It was at times a painful learning experience. Until you lay awake at night sweating the ability to make your next payroll, you have no idea what it takes to run a business on your own.

Experience earned the hard way. Plain and simple.

The same is true in many other professions. Plumbers and electricians have job grades starting with apprentice roles. You watch the masters, observe what they do, learn about the finer points. Then, with time, you test for and achieve the higher grade status in the profession.

Doctors spend years of schooling and rotations to learn about practicing medicine. You wouldn’t want a first year MD doing your heart or brain surgery. Most people I know, when the need arises for surgery, they ask the doc how many of these have you done?

Experience is a Cruel Beast

Gaining experience is the big hurdle for young people entering the job market. There aren’t that many positions available to start at the ground floor and work your way up. Yes, larger companies create starter jobs and recruit the top of the class graduates to fill those roles. They might even have training programs to grow and nurture the less experienced to fill future job needs inside the company.

However, for many, finding those experience learning opportunities is tough. Couple that with a new found impatience about career advancement and you have a frustrating situation.

Yet, there is no denying the need for experience to do the right thing in later roles. ‘Do the things I did to get to do the things I do.’ I love that.

Tips to Achieve the Success You Want

So for those who are in the early years of your careers, here are some thoughts to follow.

Understand Your Purpose

First, work on the need to understand your purpose. You were put on the earth for a reason. It was not some happy accident. You are created, wired, and pre-disposed for a purpose. Identify what that might be, then create a roadmap for fulfilling that purpose.

It won’t happen overnight or in the next 24 months. It’s a life journey. You can learn more about writing your own personal purpose statement here.

Play the Long Game

Next, learn how to play the long game. Stop worrying about tomorrow and the next immediate thing. Try to envision the picture of your future state lloooooonnnngggggg down the road. Not just tonight or tomorrow. Search for opportunities that serve that plan.

As an example, if you really want to be a consultant, get some analysts jobs first. Learn how to run studies and surveys. Compile big reports and findings for customers. Do the heavy lifting on those kinds of jobs so that you build experience in the tools of the trade.

If you think you want to be a coach, get some ‘people’ jobs first. Work your way up to become a shift supervisor at a Burger King. Learn how to deal with all kinds of people, not just your circle of friends from school.

Find Mentors

Then find some mentors. Let them help you along the way. Don’t just ask for a 30-minute session then be done. You’re not done. You have lots to learn. Mentoring is a process that evolves over time.

You’ll notice I said mentors (plural). Find people who will help you in all areas of life, not just work things. If you’re starting out in married life, get a mentor. Need spiritual help? Find a mentor. If you have a hobby you’d like to improve on, get a mentor.

It’s not that hard to find mentors either. All of my friends are willingly helping people in all walks of life. They just need to be asked.

Schedule a complimentary call

Perpetual Learning

All of the best coaches and leaders I know are perpetual learners. They read, study, and research to keep their edge sharp. In addition, they attend workshops and participate in mastermind groups. They rely upon peer-to-peer advisory work. Lastly, they hire coaches. Similar to top tier professional athletes, great thinkers and leaders turn to coaches to help up their game.

It’s a layered effect. You achieve one level, then start working on the next level. That is true in experiential growth as well as job promotion.

Wrapping it Up

When you ask an older, more experienced person how to do what they do, you have to recognize they did what they did before, so they now can do what they do. You can’t skip the steps in between.

They wouldn’t be who they are, doing what they do today without having done what they did to get here.

I know those are tongue twisters, but you get meaning. Do the work, find the experience, then you can do the big thing you want to do, your life’s purpose.

Agree or disagree? Leave a comment. Click a share.

The Greatest Growth Lever – Trust

Trust concept with hand pressing social icons on blue world map background.

Part 1 – Why Leverage Trust?

Contributed by Andy Hass and Richard Bents

“Trust is the highest form of motivation. It brings out the very best in people.” Stephen R. Covey

Google conducted a massive research project to study what made their most successful teams and called it Project Aristotle. After studying 180 teams, using 250 variables and 32 statistical models, they found the absolute #1 variable by far in their highest performing teams was trust / psychological safety (we’ll explain similarities and differences in the two – in Part 2) – above intelligence, accountability, responsibility, diversity, strategy, process and everything else.

Neuroscientist / NeuroEconomist Paul Zak found high trust organizations had 50% higher productivity, 50% higher retention, 74% less stress, 76% more engagement, 106%, more energy, 17% more pay. Zak is also a researcher of the brain chemical Oxytocin which is released when we trust.

Professor Amy Edmondson from Harvard has studied and established best practices for effective teaming – across multiple industries, and the critical element of trust and psychological safety for team success.

In MIT’s Executive Education Course on Neuroscience for Leadership, one of the four areas of focus is “Creating the conditions for success in your organization by leading teams and shifting the culture from fear to trust.”

Trust is at the foundation of our own research, consulting, and collaboration with the University of Minnesota’s Carlson School of Management, the University of Wyoming and business partners across Europe. We seek to better understand trust levels over a period of time and the associated impact on organizational performance. We are also in the process of writing our I TRUST book.

grid for high trust v low trust

We like to approach individual, team, and organizational leadership developments like scientists by collecting and interpreting data. In a 360 review of a leader, we look at 22 aspects of management and leadership.

We take a holistic, systems-based approach to leadership, but if we could greatly emphasize just one aspect, we would frequently help a leader develop more trust – self-trust, trustworthiness, and a propensity to trust others. We’ll explain more on this in Part 2 of the Greatest Growth Lever.

Part 2 – What is Trust and How is it Measured?

“Trust is the conduit for influence; it’s the medium through which ideas travel.” Harvard Professor Amy Cuddy

Trust:

A belief in the reliability, goodness, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something; it is that in which we have faith or confidence. In this sense, trust is an emotion. In addition, trusting or placing trustworthiness includes a process of analysis, a cognitive, more objective thought process. Trust typically is earned or developed over time.

Some people like to understand the differences in Trust versus Psychological Safety.

Psychological Safety:

“A shared belief within a team that it is safe for interpersonal risk taking… and that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns or mistakes.” Harvard Professor Amy Edmondson.  It is the instantaneous feeling of safety that someone has to feel free to speak up.

We find it helpful to think about trust in 3 ways to leverage it to its full power. Self-Trust (how you view and trust yourself), trustworthiness (how others view and trust you), and propensity to trust (trusting others, looking for the good in others, seeing their strengths, and giving them autonomy to perform).

It is critical for the leader of a team to exhibit (or develop) sufficient self-trust (having self-confidence, self-esteem and self-acceptance), because without it, it is difficult to be seen as trustworthy by others (show integrity/responsibility, show benevolence/kindness, and show their abilities/competence) and for them to have a propensity to trust others.

In addition, the leader has to show enough benevolence (authentic concern for others) to be seen as trustworthy. “It’s not uncommon for people to overvalue the importance of demonstrating their competence and power, often at the expense of demonstrating their warmth.”  (Amy Cuddy).

Benevolence is critically important in psychological safety and is typically more important than the other two. Finally, your behaviors in your collaborations will influence your collective results with others.

We use a variety of assessments and instruments to measure various aspects of trust in our efforts to accelerate individual, team, and organizational trust and performance. It involves self-evaluation questions and team/group member questions.

We’ll share more about closing the trust gap between the desire for high trust relationships/teams/organizations, and the acceptance of what it takes to get there in Part 3 of the Greatest Growth Lever.

Part 3 – The Trust Gap –

Closing the gap in the Desire for Trust… and the Work it takes to Achieve Trust

We believe there is increasing awareness in the value of trust. We see organizations putting it in corporate Vision, Mission and Values statements.

It feels good to say trust is important in relationships and even with customers – and from Part 1 (Why Leverage Trust), we shared research where high trust organizations had 50% higher productivity, 50% higher retention, 74% less stress, 76% more engagement, 106%, more energy, and 17% more pay.

Unfortunately, awareness of the value of trust, or declaring you or your organization is all about trust, doesn’t always translate to a high-trust organization and the corresponding benefits.

Research Case Study 1:

We conducted a 2-hour awareness training along with measurement assessments on various aspects of trust with the senior executive team of a US-based company. At the time, they were completely aware of the benefits and elements of trust.

With this company, we did not do any coaching/consulting. A year later, when we did a post 1-year measurement assessment, there was no statistically significant change in levels of trust. The takeaway – awareness does not always lead to change and results.

We were later brought in to help the leadership team through a combination of 1:1 executive coaching and team development using our assessments, change process and coaching.

Case Study 2:

Another client, a large European Insurance company, faced a difficult future with declining sales and profitability in a competitive insurance market. In less than a year, they successfully reversed and transformed sales and profitability. 

The top 86 executives were assessed, then went through a 7-month program using our change process involving coaching and training. They exceeded their sales plans.  The post-assessments showed statistically significant increases in all levels of trust. The following year showed increased market share and increased profit.

“I am very confident of the next steps. I already know that management skills development is a long road requiring patience, willingness and determination, and of course measurement. People are understanding what is happening now because they started experiencing that behaving differently is possible and can be a source of success. As a ‘rational’ leader, we just have to admit that time to time it is worth investing much less in IT tools and process …and a bit or much more in human potential.”  – Yann Menetrier, CEO

Our “I TRUST” Change Process

One example of an assessment we use measures the character and emotional intelligence of a person. It has high correlation to how effective individuals and teams are in their ability to create a high-trust, high-performing team.

Our efforts are to move individuals into the transforming, WeGo, quadrant, where they exhibit behaviors, actions and characteristics of self-trust, trustworthiness and trusting others. When the vast majority of people in a team are in this quadrant, we often see breakthrough results (e.g. innovation, productivity, sales and profits).

What will you do to increase self-trust, your trustworthiness, and your trust in others to realize the benefits of the greatest growth lever?

Consider working with a trusted colleague, mentor or coach/advisor to improve:

  • Creating a safe environment for your team to speak up with ideas, questions, concerns or mistakes
  • Your showing vulnerability and stating you need the entire team for mutual success
  • Self-trust, insecurities, imposter syndrome, being authentic
  • A specific relationship
  • Your benevolence/kindness to others
  • Your solicitation and sincere listening to other points of view and new ideas
  • Results – shore up skills through self-learning/education and pay attention to results

If you want to learn more about building a high-performing team by increasing the trust within the team, learn more here. Visit Doug’s Team Trust Model.

Or if you’d rather just talk about your business, schedule a time with Doug Thorpe www.TalkwithDougT.com

A Mentor’s Greatest Lament

It’s easy to find a lot of talk about mentoring; being a mentor, using a mentor, and growing from mentorship. One of my most popular posts was about being a stepping stone. But what will you do about that?

Mentors come in many varieties. Anyone who’s been through some form of higher learning has probably been influenced by a teacher or professor. You may remember a magical mentor who inspired you to think differently or be different. To this day, I owe much of my passion for writing to my senior English teacher from high school, Mrs. Geneva Curry.

A Story

Dr. William Hendricks, a well-respected professor at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, was once asked what his greatest fear may be. His response shocked the audience. Again, keep in mind, he was one of the most highly regarded faculty members there.

His answer was “To present and teach my best material, but no one learns.” Let that sink in a minute.

Here’s a well-respected professor who had people clamoring to attend his lectures. His fear was teaching and no one learns.

What did he mean by that? He meant having an audience that was somehow closed to learning.

When I first heard this, I was struck by the significance of being a student or mentee and not being receptive to the teaching that is being offered.

Why would anyone do that? Well, it’s simple. There are those among us who go into a learning situation believing they already have all the answers. They are convinced there is nothing new to learn.

Whether it comes from pride or futility, the idea that you might sit with a mentor and ignore the teaching is insanity!

servant leader

The Smartest Guy in the Room

Have you ever known anyone like that? You know, someone who insists they know it all. They act like and truly believe they are the smartest guy in the room.

These folks just want to sit in the class or in the program because the completion certificate somehow elevates them to the next level. The mindset that you can pass a course without being impacted by it is just plain crazy. What a waste of everyone’s time and talent.

The best leaders I have ever known knew what it was to be a follower first. Once you master the following, then you are qualified to become a leader. This is a key concept that fails many would-be managers.

My freshman year in the Texas A&M University  Corps of Cadets taught me that. The entire purpose of the freshman or ‘fish’ experience in the Corps was to engrain the idea that to be a leader, you must first know how to be a follower.

During that year I was introduced to many examples of ‘leadership’ handed out by the upperclassmen. As you can imagine, some were great. Others not so much. But even from the bad examples, I learned what not to do.

Power of Position

There are those in management who get wrapped up in the power of the position. By definition, every management box on an org chart has a delegated authority about it. Guys who think they know it all can be fooled by this.

The lure of the power of the position trips them up. Rather than seeking more knowledge and better practices to follow, they immerse themselves in the role without ever learning what it may mean to be a leader.

Following the Call

I encourage you to find mentorship. Once the opportunity is open, dive in wholeheartedly. Absorb everything you can from the one who offers to mentor and coach you.

Don’t expect old habits to get you to higher achievement.

In the early days of NASA, the standard for astronaut selections usually involved some high level of pilot experience; fighter pilot, test pilot, etc. While that was a good baseline from which to start, there were new things that had to be taught.

Even astronauts at NASA must learn new and creative new technologies, practices, and principles to survive.

The same is true for leaders of today. The world is moving quickly. Some call it “VUCA” which stands for volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity. Leaders trying to master such a blend of challenges simply must keep learning.

Through mentoring, you can find the resources you need to grow as a leader. Then and only then can you earn the title of manager and leader.

If you’d like to talk about ways you can be coached and mentored, click the button below. I’m offering a complimentary breakthrough session by zoom.

Here’s a recent comment by one of my clients.

I’m in the thick of leadership coaching with Doug and his insight and guidance are invaluable. Every time we talk, I leave with a new understanding, learning, or strategy to implement. Do this for yourself! ~Heather Plank

Just Ask for It

choices

Why do we agonize over things we want? I’m talking about those situations where there seems to be an opportunity, but we freeze before acting. We’ve all been in those situations; ones that require a simple ask. That new opportunity, that raise, that account, that job order.

It’s right there, but we stop short of taking action. Usually, we start over-thinking the ‘what-ifs’. What if they say no? What if they don’t like the idea? Fear takes over.

The simple answer is to “just ask.”

A Valuable Lesson

I learned a valuable lesson in high school. My senior year, the Homecoming Weekend was getting ready to happen. I needed a date for the big dance.

On a total whim, I decided to ask the prettiest, most popular girl on campus to be my date. We were in a couple of classes together so we knew each other only a little. I stress that because it was not like I was on her radar at all.

I picked my moment between classes and threw out the question. Would you like to go to Homecoming with me?

She said “Yes.” SHE SAID YES!!!!

I was more surprised than I should have been. But I had the prize! A Homecoming date with the prettiest girl in school. Well, word spread rapidly. The other guys couldn’t believe it.

The big day came and we had a nice time. It never turned into anything else, but I had achieved what I wanted to do.

Plus, I learned a very valuable lesson. You have to ask.

Current Story

I have a client who owns a multi-million dollar company. They’ve been in business for many years, but recent market shifts have required a total revamp of the business. Old product lines are obsolete and new technologies have taken front and center.

The team has done well making ‘pivots’ to support new products and services. The owner calls the business a “25-year-old start-up.”

At the core of the recent success and seismic shift in business has been the owner’s willingness to ‘just ask.’ If there’s a meeting with a new national distributor and some opportunity arises, just ask.

Or a meeting with new clients, just ask for the business. If they run into a problem with an order, just ask about the details.

‘Just ask’ has become their battle cry for newfound success.

And guess what. It’s working!

Roadblocks

Yet why is it so darn hard to just ask? I meet many clients who have opportunities, but they fail to make that one next step… asking.

procrastination

From my view, there are several key reasons why asking the big questions runs into roadblocks.

First, you can over-think the situation. Smart, well-educated people do this a lot. Their brain goes into high gear when a situation comes up. What about this? What about that? The list gets longer than the original idea.

Pretty soon you talk yourself out of the opportunity before you ever pursue it.

Next is perfectionism. I see this a lot. The person with a perfectionistic personality will over-analyze the idea. “If it can’t be perfect, I won’t do it.”

So many opportunities are missed because of perfectionism. Remember “Perfect is the enemy of good.”

There are some great moments that get lost because you think your involvement won’t be perfect. So you miss out entirely.

Then there is procrastination. Procrastinators bridge between perfectionism and just plain avoidance. I’ve seen procrastination play out in many forms.

Generally, the person who procrastinates usually has some deeper drivers at work. Since I’m not a psychologist, I can’t go into those details, but I know how debilitating they can be. I’ve watched it with far too many clients.

On the other hand, if you avoid delaying the ask, you might just strike the perfect timing. In high school, my timing for asking for the Homecoming date had to be spot on.

call a coach

Summary

These are the big three reasons people have trouble making the ask. If you suffer any or all of these, just try being bold for a short period of time. Stop over-thinking, quit being a perfectionist and don’t wait.

Just ASK! You might be pleasantly surprised at what it can do to your business, your relationship status, and your sense of well-being.

One last thought to share about asking for something.

I grew up being mentored by many people. I was an only child of a single Mom. She had wisdom beyond her years to go out and find willing individuals who would take me in and become my mentor.

They didn’t literally have me come live with them, but they made time to teach me things. Through the grace and strength of a long list of great men, I learned all the things a young boy should learn; how to hit a curveball, how to fish, how to do woodworking, repair things, play tennis, throw a spiral, build things, plus a few life lessons. (Like asking the prettiest girl to the dance.)

As I grew older, I still valued mentorship. So I asked for it. If I met someone who I learned to respect and admire, I’d ask for time to hear their views and learn how they got to where they were.

The point of this is, don’t be afraid to ask for mentorship. A lot of very skilled and talented people will be honored that you did ask. And they’ll be happy to come alongside to help.